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A focus on healing

As a family member, friend or supporter, it can be hard to know what to do if you suspect someone you support has experienced violence or abuse. 

On this website, we share information about:

Here, we explain how you can help the person you support heal after violence or abuse.

No one should be defined by the troubles they've faced. We can all heal and grow after hard experiences. Life can be good again.

How are people affected by violence and abuse?

After trauma, it is normal to have emotional or physical symptoms.

If something happens to remind the person you support of the abuse, they might feel stressed and upset. These reminders are called triggers. 

When someone experiences a trigger they might:

  • Get sweaty or hot.
  • Feel anxious or like they can't cope.
  • Have a racing heart.
  • Feel as if the abuse is happening again, even when they are safe.
  • Not know why they feel so terrible.

These are awful but normal experiences.

Some people have symptoms only at the time of the trauma. For others, the symptoms persist long after the actual violence or abuse has passed.

It is always possible to heal and feel better over time.

How you can help 

Stay calm and in control of your own emotions. Take deep breaths. It is not the time to express anger or anxiety, even though you probably feel upset. Your calmness will help others stay calm too. Learn more about this on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).

 

Tell the person who has experienced abuse you believe them and that it is not their fault. Let them know it is ok to share their experiences with you. You may need to do this many times. 

 

Help the person you support find a counsellor or therapist. You can learn about different types of therapy on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

 

Share tools that help. Techniques such as grounding yourself, breathing exercises, spending time in nature, and meditation can all help someone recover from trauma. You can find grounding exercises and meditation on the Neve section Calm space (internal link).  

 

Understand the person experiencing abuse may still love the person who hurt them. It's not your job to change how they feel towards the violent or abusive person. Instead, offer support and care.

 

Show the person you support that they are not alone. Sit with them. Do what they need at the pace they prefer. 

 

Allow them to make choices and have their questions answered. If someone says they're not ready to talk, respect that. Don't push.

 

Keep the person experiencing abuse informed about your actions at all times. If you report the problem to police or other authorities, let them know.

 

Seek support for yourself. It's a difficult thing to deal with. You may feel a range of different emotions. You will need to practice self-care. You can learn about this on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link). You may also want to seek professional support from a psychologist to talk about your experiences. You can learn more about this on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Becoming stronger after hard experiences

It's normal to need support and care after experiencing violence or abuse. Support can help you heal and live a full and joyful life. Many people need time to regain confidence and independence after hard times. Taking extra special care of yourself can help. This section of Neve deals with recovery. It covers things like gaining financial independence and building self-confidence. We share self-care tips and advice about reconnecting to your community. We hope it will help you on your healing journey.

Find out more

Counselling and therapy

If you have difficulties you can't overcome alone, you could see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. You can talk about relationships, sexuality, sadness and tricky problems. You can discuss anxiety, depression, anger, violence, self-image and disability. They will listen and offer treatment. Here you can learn about the different options.

Find out more

Resources.

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Disability Advocacy Network Australia

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Tools and information to help you find advocacy services in your state or territory.

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Disability Australia Hub

Self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is when someone with disability speaks up and represents themselves. This guide shows you how.

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Family Planning NSW

Disability resources

Family Planning NSW has a wide range of resources for people with intellectual disability and their support people, including parents and carers, disability workers, clinicians and students.

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Black Dog Institute

Healthy Mind

Healthy Mind is an online Easy Read tool for building good mental health.

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Supporting recovery

It can be upsetting to know that someone you support has faced violence or abuse. You might feel powerless or afraid. You might feel angry. You may feel guilty that you did not find out sooner. Here we explain how you can help improve an awful situation.

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