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It can be upsetting to know that someone you support has faced violence or abuse. You might feel powerless or afraid. You might feel angry. You may feel guilty that you did not find out sooner. Here we explain how you can help improve an awful situation.
As a family member, friend or supporter, it can be hard to know what to do if you suspect someone you support has experienced violence or abuse.
On this website, we share information about:
Here, we explain how you can help the person you support heal after violence or abuse.
No one should be defined by the troubles they've faced. We can all heal and grow after hard experiences. Life can be good again.
After trauma, it is normal to have emotional or physical symptoms.
If something happens to remind the person you support of the abuse, they might feel stressed and upset. These reminders are called triggers.
When someone experiences a trigger they might:
These are awful but normal experiences.
Some people have symptoms only at the time of the trauma. For others, the symptoms persist long after the actual violence or abuse has passed.
It is always possible to heal and feel better over time.
Stay calm and in control of your own emotions. Take deep breaths. It is not the time to express anger or anxiety, even though you probably feel upset. Your calmness will help others stay calm too. Learn more about this on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).
Tell the person who has experienced abuse you believe them and that it is not their fault. Let them know it is ok to share their experiences with you. You may need to do this many times.
Help the person you support find a counsellor or therapist. You can learn about different types of therapy on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
Share tools that help. Techniques such as grounding yourself, breathing exercises, spending time in nature, and meditation can all help someone recover from trauma. You can find grounding exercises and meditation on the Neve section Calm space (internal link).
Understand the person experiencing abuse may still love the person who hurt them. It's not your job to change how they feel towards the violent or abusive person. Instead, offer support and care.
Show the person you support that they are not alone. Sit with them. Do what they need at the pace they prefer.
Allow them to make choices and have their questions answered. If someone says they're not ready to talk, respect that. Don't push.
Keep the person experiencing abuse informed about your actions at all times. If you report the problem to police or other authorities, let them know.
Seek support for yourself. It's a difficult thing to deal with. You may feel a range of different emotions. You will need to practice self-care. You can learn about this on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link). You may also want to seek professional support from a psychologist to talk about your experiences. You can learn more about this on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
It's normal to need support and care after experiencing violence or abuse. Support can help you heal and live a full and joyful life. Many people need time to regain confidence and independence after hard times. Taking extra special care of yourself can help. This section of Neve deals with recovery. It covers things like gaining financial independence and building self-confidence. We share self-care tips and advice about reconnecting to your community. We hope it will help you on your healing journey.
Find out moreIf you have difficulties you can't overcome alone, you could see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. You can talk about relationships, sexuality, sadness and tricky problems. You can discuss anxiety, depression, anger, violence, self-image and disability. They will listen and offer treatment. Here you can learn about the different options.
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