How to cope with violence in public

Violence is unlikely to stop all at once. In some cases, change may seem hard, even impossible.

This section aims to help you cope while the person you support continues to use violence in public. It contains general advice, but please use your judgement and seek help if you have concerns.

Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).

‍Make a plan to be safe. Develop a plan so that you know what to do when the person you support becomes violent The plan could cover where to go, what to say and who to ask for help. Is there a way to prevent the person you support from hurting anyone? Do you need someone else there to support you? How can you keep yourself and others safe?

Prepare something to say to people nearby. For example, you might try something like: "My daughter has a disability. She will calm down if you move away." If you practise this statement when calm, it may be easier to remember when you are stressed. You could print a statement to read aloud or hand out. Then you won't need to remember what to say.

Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.

Seek outside help.  Talk to the person's GP to see if a health problem causes the violence. A counsellor, social worker, or support worker can share strategies for keeping you and others safe. Sometimes making changes to the environment or the situations the person is in may reduce the likelihood of violence.

Peer support is support from people in similar situations. You can access peer support on the Carer Gateway website (external link).

Consider the pros and cons of calling the police. Some people in our community have had bad experiences and do not trust the police. There may be a feeling that the police will make a bad situation worse. However, sometimes you may need to call the police to keep yourself and others safe.‍ In other cases you may want to seek medical help.

Look after yourself. Most people would struggle to cope with this kind of situation. Learn how to practice self-care. It will help you cope with challenges as they arise. You can learn about self-care on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link). You can learn more on the Neve page Wellbeing (internal link).

Remember that you deserve to be safe. Like everyone, you have the right to live a life free from violence and harm. Your situation is complex, but there may be ways to reduce the violence in your life and increase your safety.

Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support services for people experiencing violence. A list of numbers and resources is available on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).

How to reduce violence in public

Talk to the person about other ways to respond to frustration. Show empathy about how upset they feel. When you are both calm, talk about strategies they could use when they start to feel angry or upset. A psychologist or occupational therapist could help.

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Some people with disabilities may need extra support to regulate their emotions. Most people with disabilities can become better at managing anger with the proper support.  

The Black Dog Institute has developed a tool to help people with intellectual disability recognise and regulate their thoughts and feelings. You can read more about this on the Black Dog Institute website (external link).

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Explain the problem to one of your service providers or support coordinator. They could help you find a mental health professional who has experience working with people with disabilities.

If the person you support is autistic, a psychologist could help with strategies to recognise triggers and help the person and the family develop strategies. You could learn to avoid overstimulation and allow for a shutdown or time-out.

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Plan to leave quickly if the person you support is frustrated or overwhelmed. For example, you could offer a reward you know they will enjoy if they leave a difficult situation quickly and quietly. Or you might bring another person willing to help as needed

Consider what the violence could tell you. Look for patterns. Does the violence occur at the beginning or end of an activity? Is there something that the person you support wants to communicate? Think of the violence as a form of communication, then do your best to listen and respond. Could you make a change to ease frustration?

Learn more about what triggers the person you support. Are they more likely to behave violently in a noisy environment? When they are hungry or thirsty? At certain times of the day? When you have said "no" to their requests several times? Pay attention to these kinds of triggers. It can help you plan your days to reduce the risk of public violence.

If you suspect violence has helped the person you support get what they want in the past, break the association between violence and power. This means you do not give in when the person you support uses violence to try to control a situation. Only do this if you feel safe.

Reward positive behaviours, even if the change is small. It might mean saying "yes" to something the person you support asks for when they use appropriate strategies rather than violence to get what they want.‍

If it's safe, teach the person you support that violence has consequences. Talk about what can happen when people break the law. You could also discuss consequences at home, like losing a privilege. Make sure this consequence is not something that will make the person more upset, such as taking away something they use to self-sooth or regulate.

Learn how to help the person you support cope with strong feelings. It is hard to remain calm when someone else is upset, especially if they use violence. However, in some situations, one person acting calm can make others feel calmer. This is called co-regulation.

Co-regulation is a skill you can learn. You can talk to a counsellor or therapist about co-regulation skills. Learn more about counselling and therapy on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

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