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Unhealthy relationships

An unhealthy relationship might make you feel:

  • Stuck
  • Sad
  • Like you have no power
  • Guilty
  • Bad about yourself
  • Scared.

It could have violence or abuse. You might feel like there's no way out but things can get better.

Healthy relationships have respect, trust, and good communication. People respect each other's feelings and offer support. They are kind to each other. You deserve to feel good in your relationships.

Trust, support, intimacy and communication

Healthy relationships need trust. Friends and partners should trust one another. They should know that they can rely on one another. They tell each other the truth.

Healthy relationships give support. Romantic partners can encourage each other's goals and dreams. Friends can do this for each other, too.

Good communication is important. In a healthy relationship, people:

  • Listen.
  • Ask questions to make sure they understand the other person.
  • Share their thoughts and feelings.
  • Solve conflict with kindness and respect.
  • Talk about things that matter.

In romantic relationships, physical intimacy is important, too. Physical intimacy includes:

  • Affection, like holding hands
  • Touching
  • Cuddles
  • Sex
  • Showing love and care.

All physical intimacy needs consent from both people. When people give consent to touching or sex, everyone understands what they’re doing, wants to be doing it and knows they can stop at any time if they change their mind.

Healthy relationships are fair.

Both people in a relationship should have a say. If you live together, work that has to be done should be shared in a way that feels fair to both people.

One person should not do all the work but you don't have to divide every job in half, either. Disabilities can make it harder to do some types of work. Every relationship is unique. Be honest about what you need, want and can do. Talk and try new ideas until you both agree things are fair.

Time together and time for you

Spend quality time together without distractions. It helps people stay close.

Time apart is also important. It allows you to grow and find your own interests. It lets you stay in touch with other people, like family and friends. 

Conflict

Everyone disagrees sometimes. In a healthy relationship, people resolve conflicts with respect. There is no:

  • Name-calling
  • Violence, like hitting, slapping or scratching
  • Making someone feel guilty, ashamed or scared.

Differences are easier to manage when people are willing to compromise and try new things. Listening to others is important, too. For example, one person might say:

  • I don't like to be yelled at.
  • I need some time to think.
  • I can't talk when the music is so loud.

Statements like these are called boundaries. Boundaries explain to other people what we will and won't do, and what we like and don't like. Clear boundaries help people feel safe and comfortable in relationships.

A checklist for a healthy relationship

Healthy relationships have:

  • Respect.
  • Trust.
  • Good communication.
  • Support.
  • Shared values.
  • Kindness.
  • Honesty.
  • Time apart.
  • Time together.
  • Boundaries, which is when people can freely say what they will and won't do.
  • Fairness.

What should you do if a relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive?

  • Get professional help, like from a counsellor or psychologist.
  • Work on things together.
  • Consider ending the relationship. It may be best for everyone, especially if the other person doesn't want to change.

If you would like some support, you can go to the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Story

Ace and her close friend Jan spend lots of time together. They both like reading and listening to music. Ace loves gardening. She wants to build a vegetable garden. Jan isn't interested in gardening. Still, Jan gives Ace time to talk about gardening. She values Ace's interests, even if she doesn't share them. 

Becoming stronger after hard experiences

It's normal to need support and care after experiencing violence or abuse. Support can help you heal and live a full and joyful life. Many people need time to regain confidence and independence after hard times. Taking extra special care of yourself can help. This section of Neve deals with recovery. It covers things like gaining financial independence and building self-confidence. We share self-care tips and advice about reconnecting to your community. We hope it will help you on your healing journey.

Find out more

Consent

Sexual consent is an agreement between two or more people about sexual activity. When people give consent to sex, everyone involved understands what they’re doing, wants to be doing it and knows they can stop at any time if they change their mind.

Find out more

Resources.

May 4, 2024

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Headspace

Body scan meditation to reduce stress

Here’s everything you need to know about body scan meditation — including how to do it.

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May 4, 2024

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Participate Australia

Making Money Easy

A tool to support children, teens and adults with mild to moderate intellectual disability to learn basic counting and money handling skills.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

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Disability Australia Hub

Self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is when someone with disability speaks up and represents themselves. This guide shows you how.

Check resource

May 7, 2024

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Touching Base

Booklets For People With Disability

Resources and information for people with disability about seeing a sex worker.

Check resource

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Is my relationship healthy?

We have many types of relationships, like with friends, romantic partners, family members and people we meet online. Relationships can be healthy or unhealthy. Here, you can learn to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.

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