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A lack of safety at home or in close relationships

Who is affected?

Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It happens in heterosexual and same-sex relationships, such as with a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.

You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to have the problem. It can happen after you separate from a partner or companion. When a carer or supporter behaves violently, this is also domestic violence.

You don't have to live with someone to experience domestic and family violence. It can happen in family relationships, such as with grandparents, parents, guardians, siblings, children and other family members.

Some people are more likely to experience domestic and family violence. The risk is higher for:

  • Women with disabilities.
  • LGBTQIA+ people. It means people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer/questioning or asexual.
  • People who live in a remote place.
  • People who are lonely and isolated.
  • People who have less money or less social status.
  • People with a psychological or cognitive disability.

In relationships affected by domestic and family violence, one person uses violence to control the other person. It can make you feel scared for your safety and wellbeing. You might also worry about someone else. Children who see or hear domestic and family violence are victims, too.

Domestic and family violence is a common and complex issue. One thing is clear: the person experiencing violence is not to blame. If someone hurts you, it is not your fault.

What does it look like?

Physical violence is the most well-known type of domestic and family violence. However, there are many types of abuse.

Domestic and family violence happens when a partner or family member regularly does any of these things:

  • Intimidates you
  • Yells at you
  • Throws things at you
  • Forces you to take medication you don't want
  • Threatens to take away the support you need for everyday life
  • Controls what you spend your money on
  • Keeps you from seeing certain people or going to certain places
  • Makes you perform or watch sexual acts when you don't want to
  • Hits you, holds you down, pinches you or hurts your body in another way
  • Uses an object to hurt you
  • Threatens you, your children, your animals or your property
  • Damages your property.

What to do after domestic and family violence or abuse

The first thing to do is to make sure you are safe. Look after your body and your emotions. If you are in danger, go somewhere safe. Seek medical attention if you need it.

Then, take a deep breath. We're sorry you've had to deal with this. We hope the situation gets better. We know that experiencing violence or abuse can be confusing, intimidating, and stressful. People may try to make you believe it is your fault. Sometimes, leaving the situation is hard.

Remember that you are never to blame for bad behaviour. What happened to you is not your fault.

Here is a list of things you could do if you’ve faced domestic and family violence. You should choose the options that are right for you.

  • Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).
  • Leave the situation. This can be a very positive step if you live with the person who hurt you. However, it is important to think things through and prepare. Learn how to safely leave a violent or abusive situation on the Neve page How to be safe when leaving an abusive relationship (internal link).
  • Stay and plan how to cope with the violence or abuse. You may not be ready to leave the situation. In that case, think about how you can be safer while you stay. Learn about safety planning in the Neve section on Becoming safer (internal link). People who have been abusive sometimes stop. However, it can also get worse over time. Abuse does not stop unless the person admits the harm they have done, wants to change their behaviour and takes action to change it. Change is unlikely if they keep blaming you or make excuses for themselves. Even if someone wants to change, it may take a long time.
  • Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. Let them know not to confront the person who has hurt you. It can make the abuse worse. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.
  • Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If you need help doing this, ask a trusted person to help you. If you decide to go to the police later, you will have evidence to show them.
  • Get legal help. You can use legal support to be safer, like restraining orders and protective orders. You can also get advice about whether something that happened to you is a crime. Learn about legal support options on the Neve page Accessing legal support and the courts  (internal link).
  • Develop more financial independence. This can help you leave when you are ready. You can learn about managing your money on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).
  • Report the abuse to authorities. You can call your local police. You can speak to a government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission.
  • Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support for people experiencing violence or abuse. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
  • Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
  • Know your rights. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and abuse. Learn about your rights in the Neve section Our rights (internal link).
  • Look after yourself. Caring for yourself is important if you have experienced violence or abuse. You can learn how to be calm and more empowered on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link).
  • Talk to your service coordinator. This can help if the person who harmed you provides a service related to your disability, like physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in your NDIS plan. Tell the service coordinator what happened, and what you’d like to happen next, including if you want your complaint to remain confidential. You might want to offer feedback about the inappropriate behaviour but still work with the person. Or, you might want a new person to provide the service for you.
  • Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person who harmed you is an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).

Having a disability can make it harder to escape violence and abuse. Limited mobility or social isolation might make it harder to get help. Moving out or getting away from the person who hurts you can seem impossible when money is in short supply. However, help is available.

Even if the person who hurt you is important to you, you can still get help. Many people are hurt by someone they know. It may be an intimate partner, a parent or carer, or someone else in authority, such as a health worker or service provider. You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to. Either way, support is available to keep you safe and help you recover.

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Story

Ruby has recently ended her marriage to June. They have two children together. Lately, June has been sending hurtful text messages to Ruby. The messages say things like, "You're a dumb b*tch." "You can't even look after yourself, let alone the kids." When Ruby was walking to pick the kids up from school, she saw June driving towards her. June swerved her car in Ruby's direction. Ruby felt scared and intimidated. Ruby is experiencing domestic and family violence.

Becoming safer

This section of the website focuses on your safety. It has information to help you decide if a relationship is abusive. It shares tools to be safer in a violent situation. It talks about planning for a safer future, like if you leave violence behind. We also share tips to be safe online.

Find out more

Protection orders

Legal protection from domestic and family violence and abuse is available through the courts in each Australian state and territory. Depending on where you live, there are different names for these court orders, but all protection orders are enforceable nationwide. Here, you can learn more about protection orders. You can learn how to apply for one and what it does and doesn't do.

Find out more

Resources.

May 13, 2024

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Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

You have rights - Easy Read

A guide for women with disability experiencing family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

Your rights

A guide for women with disability and mothers of children with disability who have experience of family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

SECCA

Online dating

Information about online dating.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

1800 RESPECT

Escape bag checklist

If you are going to leave a relationship, deciding what to take with you is an important step in creating a safety plan. This checklist helps you plan what you may need to take if you need to leave.

Check resource

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Domestic and family violence

Domestic and family violence is a pattern of abuse in an intimate or family relationship. In Australia, around 1 in 6 women have experienced violence by a current or former partner. These rates are higher for women with disabilities. Here, you can learn to recognise the problem and be safer.

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