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Sex is different for everyone. You can find happiness and connection in your way. Stay curious and seek support if you need it. You can learn to say what you want.

Understanding sex

The World Health Organisation says that sexuality is part of being human. It can't be separated from other parts of life.

Sex happens in all different ways, like:

  • Intimate touching
  • Seeing an escort or sex worker
  • Masturbating, which is when you give sexual pleasure to yourself
  • When people watch porn or talk about sex online.

It's a good idea to keep an open mind. We share more ideas about ways you can feel good on the Neve page Pleasure (internal link). You might also want to look at the Neve page on Dating (internal link).

You always have the right to say no to sex. Maybe you've had bad experiences. Maybe sex hurts. Maybe you just don't want to. Whatever the reason, sex is not something you have to do. Learn more on the Neve page about Consent (internal link). There is also a Neve page about Saying no and setting boundaries (internal link).

Making sex comfortable

Having sex can feel good, but it can also be hard work. For some people, sex can hurt or be uncomfortable.

To reduce pain:

  • Try different positions.
  • Use pillows or aids to support yourself.
  • Talk to your partner. You could try something new together.

Health workers like physiotherapists can help you deal with injuries or pain related to sex. They can also help you feel good in other parts of your life, which is a great way to have better sex!

You might feel embarrassed talking about sex but it is a normal part of life. You have the right to get the help you need.

Sex with a disability

People who want to have sex might look for a monogamous relationship. That means a relationship with two people who only have sex with each other. Or they might try different kinds of partners and situations. Dating apps and websites with casual hook-ups can help people try new things. Each time they meet someone new, they learn more about what they want, enjoy and like.

Other people explore sex on their own. They might try masturbating, listening to sexy stories or watching porn.

However, you have sex, remember that:

  1. Sexuality isn't just about sex. It can include kissing, cuddling, using toys, and talking dirty. Thinking about sexy things counts, too.
  2. You must get consent before doing anything sexual, even if you've done it before with the same person. This means you both understand and agree to the activity. You both know you can stop at any time if you change your mind.
  3. Sex feels best when you are sober, and taking care of your body and mind.
  4. You can try new things. This is true whether you're with a partner or having sex alone. Be safe, legal and get consent, then see what feels good.

You can get help if you need it

For women and gender-diverse people with disabilities, sex can be challenging and exciting. It can be hard to:

  • Learn what makes you feel good.
  • Cope with rejection, like when you want to have sex with someone and they don't want to have sex with you.
  • Feel comfortable in social situations.
  • Know what others want from you.
  • Feel okay saying "yes" to what you want and "no" to what you don't want.
  • Tell someone that you don't want to have sex with them.

If you need help, talk to a counsellor or therapist . You can learn to cope and become stronger.

Some people think that people with disabilities shouldn't have sex. They might:

  • Tell you that you can't have sex
  • Stop you from dating
  • Control what you do online, like stopping you from watching porn even when you are somewhere private.

In that case, talk to someone else you trust. Ask their advice. There might be solutions to the problem that you haven't thought of yet.

You can ask for help and ideas about sex from:

  • Counsellors.
  • Support workers.
  • Parents or supporters.
  • Services you find in the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
  • Close friends.

Many people get help for their sex life. You are not alone. If you don't find the help you need at first, find someone else you feel comfortable with and try again.

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Our community

This section invites you to consider your place in our community. We discuss diversity. We explain intersectionality. How do these big ideas influence you day-to-day? What do you share with others around you? What makes you different? What makes you unique?

Find out more

Learning to love yourself

The most important relationship you have is with yourself. It's true! Learning to love yourself and treat yourself with care and respect is the most important thing you will ever do. Here, we share ways to recognise your worth. We give tips for being kind to yourself. We celebrate the marvel that is you.

Find out more

Resources.

May 4, 2024

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Headspace

Body scan meditation to reduce stress

Here’s everything you need to know about body scan meditation — including how to do it.

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May 4, 2024

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Participate Australia

Making Money Easy

A tool to support children, teens and adults with mild to moderate intellectual disability to learn basic counting and money handling skills.

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May 4, 2024

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Disability Australia Hub

Self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is when someone with disability speaks up and represents themselves. This guide shows you how.

Check resource

May 7, 2024

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Touching Base

Booklets For People With Disability

Resources and information for people with disability about seeing a sex worker.

Check resource

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Sex and disability

Most people have sexual thoughts, attitudes, feelings and desires. Having a physical or intellectual disability doesn't change that but disabilities can affect sex. Here, we discuss sex and disability, including what to do if sex isn't working for you.

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