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Sexual consent is an agreement between two or more people about sexual activity. When people give consent to sex, everyone understands what they’re doing, wants to be doing it and knows they can stop at any time if they change their mind.
Consent is needed before and during sex. It is more than a single yes or no. Sexual partners should keep talking to each other during sexual activity, to make sure they have consent.
You should seek consent from your partner before and during:
Talking about consent can lead to healthy, respectful, safe and fun sexual experiences. Conversations about consent build trust and can be really sexy!
Everyone who wants to be sexual with other people needs to get consent. Consent is needed in all relationships. This includes when you:
People do all kinds of things that may seem sexy or sexual to others, but this is not the same as saying “yes” to sex.
Examples of things that do NOT mean consent include:
If someone says no to sex, you might feel disappointed, upset or even angry. Feelings are ok; it is actions that matter.
When someone says no, you should always respect their decision. It is the right thing to do.
Before you ask someone for sex, plan how you will respond if they say no. It can help you behave well.
You could say:
Nobody is allowed to make you feel bad for saying no to sex. You shouldn't make someone else feel bad for saying no, either.
The first step in giving consent to sexual activity is deciding whether or not you want to take part.
Ask yourself:
Then, use your words. You can say things like:
You can also show that you feel good by:
If you don’t want to have sex or be sexual, say so clearly. Examples of things you could say include:
It is always your right to say no to sexual activity that you do not want.
The person you want to have sex with must be freely able to say yes or no. According to the law in Australia:
Then, you need to use words that describe what you’d like to do together. You can say or text things like:
Be specific when you ask for sex. For example, someone might want to have sex in the vagina but not in the anus. Saying “yes” to sex in the vagina does not mean they’ve said yes to other types of sex. If you want to try something, describe it.
You should also pay attention to body language, which is the way we communicate with our bodies. People who have said "yes" show that they mean it when they:
Signs that someone does not want to have sex can include:
If you are doing sexual things with someone who seems upset, uncomfortable or out of it, stop. Ask them how they’re feeling. Let them know that it is ok to take a break, go your separate ways, or find something else to do together. If someone is not awake, they cannot give consent. People cannot give consent if they are drunk or strongly affected by drugs.
This section is about empowerment and wellbeing. Here, you can find information and tools to help you get the most out of life. You can learn about healthy relationships and setting boundaries. We also share ideas about how to cope when life is hard.
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