a picture of magnifying glass
Search

Choose from website modes:

a picture of global
Languages
question mark icon
I need help now
Get information on how to get help in an emergency.
Click to leave website and go to Google.

Make safety the priority

Your safety and the safety of the person you support should be your number one concern.

Talk privately to the person experiencing violence. If you're talking via text or social media messaging, make sure that the person using violence does not have access to the messages.

Don't make accusations about violence. It can be dangerous to approach a violent person. They might hurt you. The violence or abuse can get worse, putting the person you support at greater risk.  

Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).

Read our guide on how to have conversations about violence on the Neve page How to support someone in a safe way (internal link).

Everybody has the right to live free from violence and abuse. Friends, family and support workers can't fix everything, but they can make a positive difference. The first step is to talk about the problem.

Offer help but don’t take over

Listen to the person you want to help. Be as curious as you can about what they need, want and care about.

You can make suggestions, but asking and listening should be your first steps. Remember, people have the right to make decisions about their own life, even if you don’t agree with the decisions they make.

You can learn about how to help others protect their rights on the Neve page Standing up for yourself (internal link).

Always keep the person you support informed about your actions. If you report the problem to police or other authorities, let them know.

If it is not an emergency, speak with the person first and discuss whether they want you to speak to authorities on their behalf.

How to help if the person you support chooses to stay in a violent situation

Respond with empathy

Leaving an abusive relationship is challenging, whether the relationship is romantic or not. The decision is personal. Many people think that the obvious choice is to leave immediately but this can be hard.

People may stay in violent situations because:

  • They love the person who hurts them.
  • They are afraid the abuse will get worse if they leave. This is a real risk.
  • They are dependent on the violent person for money or help with daily tasks.
  • They feel isolated and alone.
  • They think they deserve the abuse or that abuse will happen anyway.

 

Respect their choice

Don't tell the person that they must leave the violent situation now. Don't blame them for the abuse or tell them that if it were really bad, they would go. Remember, everyone has the right to make their own decisions, including mistakes.

Instead, you could say, "Whatever your reasons for staying, you deserve to be safe. The abuse you experience is not your fault. You can take small steps to make yourself safer now. Maybe you will be ready to leave in the future."

 

Focus on improving their safety

Safety can be improved, even if someone is not ready to leave a violent situation. 

You can:

Encourage them to seek support. They could contact someone they trust, or a support service like a helpline or a counsellor. Perhaps they could talk to a local domestic violence shelter or support group.

You can find out about Australian helplines on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link). You can learn about counselling and therapy on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

Share information about safety planning. A safety plan is a collection of strategies and resources like a pre-packed bag for emergencies and a list of emergency contacts. Scroll down to the section on safety planning for more information.

Encourage them to take control of their financial situation. The person you support might begin saving money in a private bank account. They could explore employment or financial assistance options. Learn about increasing financial independence on the Neve page Managing your own money (internal link). 

Recognise the situation is complex, especially if the person who hurts them is also their supporter. Let them know that you will help them think of solutions if they want and if you are comfortable doing this. Help them plan what they could do if they need help quickly.

Give them information on their right to live free from violence. You can read more about the rights of people with disabilities on the Neve page Disability and discrimination (internal link).

Encourage them to look after themselves. Self-care helps us cope when times are tough. You can read more about self-care and looking after yourself on the Neve page Caring for yourself (internal link). You can also connect the person you want to help with peer-support or self-advocacy groups.

Help them learn about their legal options. If the person you support is interested, you could help them research legal tools such as restraining and protective orders. You can read more about legal support in the Neve section Understanding the justice system (internal link).

 

How to help if the person you support chooses to leave a violent situation

Research shows us that one of the most dangerous times for a person experiencing abuse happens when they leave the abusive situation. It takes courage and support. It’s essential to plan ahead. If you feel comfortable, let the person you support know that you can help them if they want.

 

Make a safety plan

Encourage the person you support to make a safety plan. A safety plan is a personalised, step-by-step strategy for leaving an abusive situation and seeking help.

The plan doesn’t have to be written down. It’s better not to have a written plan if it could put the person you support in danger.

If the person you support reads well, you can share the Neve page How to be safe when you leave an abusive relationship (internal link). You can also change the mode of the website into Easy Read if that is a more accessible format for them.

A safety plan should include:

  • Emergency contacts. Make a list of trusted friends, family members and organisations. The person you support could save the list on their phone, or somewhere else private.
  • An emergency bag. Pack a bag with essential documents. It should include ID, like a passport or birth certificate. The person you support should also pack medication, money, medical equipment, assistive devices and any personal items they need. They could leave the emergency bag at a trusted friend or family member's house.
  • A safe space. Help them pick a safe place to go in a crisis. It could be a trusted friend or family member's house or a domestic violence shelter.
  • Ways to manage the disability. If the abusive person is the carer of the person you support, they must think about how to have their care needs met outside that relationship. It can be very challenging.
  • Protection orders. Talk with legal professionals or a domestic and family violence service to get legal protection. Learn more on the Neve page Protection orders (internal link).
  • A plan about money. The person you support could begin saving money in a private bank account. They could look for work or financial assistance options. Learn more on the Neve page Help managing your money (internal link).
  • A plan to change the locks. If the person you support plans to stay in their home after ending the relationship, have the locks changed immediately. Some states and territories offer financial support to do this. Talk to a domestic and family violence service to see how they can help. Find help on the Neve Helplines directory (internal link).
  • A plan to change phone numbers. The person you support should get a new phone number to prevent unwanted contact.
  • Counselling. Find a therapist or counsellor who specialises in domestic violence. It can help the person you support process their experiences and emotions. Learn more on the Neve page Counselling and Therapy (internal link).
  • Ways to seek support. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard, but no one has to do it alone. Contact local domestic violence shelters, hotlines, and support groups. These organisations offer guidance, protection, and resources to help leave an abusive situation safely.

What else to do if you're worried about violence

Get help deciding what to do. The National Disability Abuse and Neglect Hotline works with callers to find appropriate ways of dealing with reports of abuse and neglect of people with disabilities. To make a report, contact the Hotline on 1800 880 052 or email hotline@workfocus.com. Let the person you support know about this conversation.

Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, help the person you support save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence showing the harm. You could take a picture of a bruise or keep notes about something you saw. If the person you support decides to go to the police later, you will have evidence to share.

Report the problem to authorities. You could call your local police. You could speak to a relevant government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission. Let the person you support know if you do these things.

Speak to a counsellor. You could see a counsellor, therapist, or psychologist if you are feeling anger, distress, or confusion. They can help you process complicated feelings. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).

Talk to a service coordinator. This can help if the abusive person provides a service related to disability, like physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in the NDIS plan of the person you support. Tell the service coordinator what happened, and what you’d like to happen next, including if you want the complaint to remain confidential. The person you support might want to offer feedback about the inappropriate behaviour but still work with the person. Or, they might want a new person to provide the service.

Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person is experiencing violence from an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Read more about making a complaint to the Commission on the NDIS Commission website (external link).

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Violence and abuse

Many women and gender-diverse people experience violence and abuse. Violence can be physical, emotional or financial. It can make you feel isolated, ashamed and confused. You are not alone. Like everyone, you deserve to feel safe. In this section of Neve, we explain different types of violence and abuse. You can get a clear idea of how violence may impact you. You can find support. You can plan for a safer future.

Find out more

Protection orders

Legal protection from domestic and family violence and abuse is available through the courts in each Australian state and territory. Depending on where you live, there are different names for these court orders, but all protection orders are enforceable nationwide. Here, you can learn more about protection orders. You can learn how to apply for one and what it does and doesn't do.

Find out more

Resources.

May 7, 2024

|

Disability Advocacy Network Australia

Find an Advocate

Tools and information to help you find advocacy services in your state or territory.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

Disability Australia Hub

Self-advocacy

Self-advocacy is when someone with disability speaks up and represents themselves. This guide shows you how.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

Family Planning NSW

Disability resources

Family Planning NSW has a wide range of resources for people with intellectual disability and their support people, including parents and carers, disability workers, clinicians and students.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

Black Dog Institute

Healthy Mind

Healthy Mind is an online Easy Read tool for building good mental health.

Check resource

Send us a message

Do you have some feedback about this website?
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

How to help someone be safer

Supporting someone who is experiencing violence or abuse can be difficult, especially if you've never done it before. This page offers guidance on helping safely. It explains what to do if they choose to leave a violent situation. It explains what to do if they stay in a violent situation. Either way, you can offer help and support.

.