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This page has information for people supporting a person with disability who behaves violently. It could be physical violence. For example, they might hit, scratch or punch. It could be other types of violent behaviour. For example, they might yell, swear or make threats. Here you can learn why this might happen. You can get tips to cope with and reduce violence.
Many supporters of people with disabilities have told us of the difficulties they face when the person they support uses violence. The situation is complex, upsetting and stressful for everyone involved. We acknowledge the challenges. We want you to know that you are not alone.
It is normal to feel angry, frustrated and upset sometimes. We all experience these feelings, though we may express them in different ways.
Actions can be a way of communicating. People with disabilities who have difficulty communicating may use violence to express themselves. Violence could be a way of saying what they want or don’t want. It could offer information about how they feel.
Some people become violent when they are overwhelmed. Violence could be a reaction to intense frustration. It could be about sensory overload, like if there is too much noise, light or touching.
Some people use violence to gain control. It might happen when they must do something they don't want to. It might happen when they can't have something they want. If violence gives them control, they may use it often.
Violence could be a sign of stress. If violent behaviour is unusual for the person you support, they may be facing new problems, including problems with physical or mental health.
Perhaps the person you support is being hurt by someone else. You can learn more about this on the Neve page The person I support may be experiencing violence (internal link).
Maybe they are struggling to cope with change or other challenges. Violence may also be a sign that someone is unwell or in pain.
Neither you nor anyone else deserves to be hurt or harmed. That includes the person you support: the fact that they sometimes behave violently does not mean that it is ok for anyone to hit or hurt them.
Violence is unlikely to stop all at once. In some cases, change may seem hard, even impossible.
This section aims to help you cope while the person you support continues to use violence. It contains general advice, but please use your judgement and seek help if you have concerns.
Call 000 if you or anyone else is in immediate danger. If this makes you feel nervous or unsure, you can learn more about the process on the Neve page A guide to calling triple zero (000) (internal link).
Make a plan to be safe. It might include:
You can learn more about safety planning on the Neve page Safety planning for women with disabilities (internal link).
Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help. Let them know not to confront the person who has hurt you. It can make the problem worse. They should focus on you and what you need to be safer and feel supported.
Ask for advice. You may want to talk to the person's GP to see if there are any health problems causing the violence. You may want to get support from a therapist.
Peer support is support from people in a situation like yours. You can learn how to access peer support on the Carer Gateway website (external link).
Consider the pros and cons of calling the police. Some people in our community have had bad experiences and do not trust the police. There may be a feeling that the police will make a bad situation worse. However, sometimes you may need to call the police to keep yourself and others safe. In other cases you may want to seek medical assistance if someone has been hurt.
Look after yourself. You're in a stressful and challenging situation. Caring for yourself is vital. It will equip you to face challenges as they arise. You can learn to cultivate calm and become more empowered in the Neve section on Wellbeing (internal link).
Remember that you deserve to be safe. Like everyone, you have the right to live a life free from violence and harm. Your situation is complex, but there may be ways to reduce the violence in your life and increase your safety.
Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support for people experiencing violence. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
Talk to the person about other ways to respond to frustration. Do this when you are both calm again. Empathise with how upset they felt. Talk about strategies they could use when they start to feel angry or upset. A psychologist or occupational therapist could help.
Some people with disabilities may need extra support to regulate their emotions. Most people with disabilities can become better at managing anger with the proper support.
The Black Dog Institute has developed a tool to help people with intellectual disability recognise and regulate their thoughts and feelings. You can read more about this on the Black Dog Institute website (external link).
Explain the problem to one of your service providers or support coordinator. They could help you find a mental health professional who has experience working with people with disabilities.
If the person you support is autistic, a psychologist could help with strategies to recognise triggers and cope. You could learn to avoid overstimulation and allow for a shutdown or time-out.
Sometimes, changing parts of the environment can reduce the likelihood of violence. For example, you could turn down the volume of music you listen to, or turn the music off.
Consider what the violence could tell you. Look for patterns. Does the violence occur at the beginning or end of an activity? Is there something the person you support wants to communicate? Are they in pain or uncomfortable? Think of the violence as a form of communication, then do your best to listen and respond. Could you make a change to ease frustration?
If you suspect violence has helped the person you support get what they want in the past, break the association between violence and power. This means you do not give in when the person you support uses violence to try to control a situation. Only do this if you feel safe.
Reward positive behaviours, even if the change is small. It might mean saying "yes" to something the person you support asks for when they use appropriate strategies rather than violence to get what they want.
If it's safe, teach the person you support that violence has consequences. Talk about what can happen when people break the law. You could also discuss consequences at home, like losing a privilege. Make sure this consequence is not something that will make the person more upset, such as taking away something they use to self-sooth or regulate.
If you think stress causes the problem, try to understand why. Pay attention to what triggers violent behaviour. For example, the person you support might behave violently when tired or overstimulated, like when there is too much light or noise. Take these things into account when planning your day. Reduce stress as much as possible.
Learn how to help the person you support cope with strong feelings. It is hard to remain calm when someone else is upset, especially if they use violence. However, in some situations, one person acting calm can make others feel calmer. This is called co-regulation.
Co-regulation is a skill you can learn. You can talk to a counsellor or therapist about co-regulation skills. Learn more about counselling and therapy on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
Many women and gender-diverse people experience violence and abuse. Violence can be physical, emotional or financial. It can make you feel isolated, ashamed and confused. You are not alone. Like everyone, you deserve to feel safe. In this section of Neve, we explain different types of violence and abuse. You can get a clear idea of how violence may impact you. You can find support. You can plan for a safer future.
Find out moreLegal protection from domestic and family violence and abuse is available through the courts in each Australian state and territory. Depending on where you live, there are different names for these court orders, but all protection orders are enforceable nationwide. Here you can learn more about protection orders. You can learn how to apply for one and what it does and doesn't do.
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