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Language and actions matter

Insults, harassment and physical violence are easy to spot. Microaggressions can be more subtle. They might be:

  • Jokes
  • Assumptions
  • Questions
  • Offers of help
  • Patronising actions
  • Comments or actions that deny your disability. 

People often make excuses for bad behaviour. They might say, "It's no big deal." But seeming small doesn't prevent big consequences.

Many people in our community experience microaggressions daily. The harm adds up over time.

There are helpful ways to react to microaggressions. You can learn to challenge people who act this way. But doing nothing is also okay. You don't have to solve every problem.

How do microaggressions hurt us?

Microaggressions are disrespectful and unfair. Researchers are still studying how they impact people with disabilities.

Research into racial microaggressions shows that they can lead to depression, stress, trauma, headaches and poor sleep. They can hurt people's careers. You can read more about that research here (external link). 

If you face microaggressions, you might feel like you have no place at work, school, or elsewhere.

It can be hard to cope if people target different parts of you, like your:

  • Race
  • Gender
  • Sexuality
  • Age
  • Size
  • Disability
  • Your family or where you come from.

For example, an Indigenous woman with a disability might see more bad behaviour than a Caucasian woman with a disability.

How to recognise microaggressions


Microaggressions can happen in person or online. They can be hard to spot. Sometimes, they seem like okay things to do or say. They can even seem like compliments on the surface. In reality, they're harmful. 

People with disabilities might:

  • Be told they're inspiring just for being disabled.
  • Have their genuine experience ignored because "Everyone is a little autistic" or "Everyone feels a little depressed sometimes".
  • Hear hurtful words used to describe their disability. 
  • Be described as "wheelchair-bound" or "suffering from" disability.
  • Be spoken to and treated like a child. 
  • Get compliments that feel like insults. For example, "You speak really well for a disabled person".
  • Hear jokes like, "Hey, have you got a license for that wheelchair?"
  • Cope with comments like, "I can't believe you're married" or "But you don't look disabled" or "Aww, don't call yourself disabled — you're just differently abled".
  • Not have the same access as other people. For example, they might have to use a garbage lift to get into a venue or not be able to use a social media site.
  • Get told that their access needs are too much or don't matter.
  • Have someone speak to their support worker instead of them.

Microaggressions send the message that you don't belong. They can be incredibly hurtful, even if the person speaking doesn't understand the harm caused.

     
     

How to respond safely to microaggressions

It can be scary to call out microaggressions. After all, they usually come from people with power or privilege. If you try to speak up, you may get an angry or dismissive response. You might hear, "Don't be so sensitive" or "Harden up". It can make you feel like you're making a big deal about nothing. You aren't. Your feelings and ideas matter.

If you want to respond, you could:

  • Ask the person to explain their comments. Say something like, "How do you mean that?" This can help them realise that what they've said implies that people without disabilities are better than people with disabilities.
  • Explain the difference between intent and impact. A lot of people don't intend harm by microaggressions. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 
  • Email or call someone who can help, like a manager or business owner. It can be hard to call out something in the moment. It's okay to do it later when you feel safer or have support. It's also okay to ask someone else to respond on your behalf.
  • Talk to a counsellor. Microaggressions build up, so it's important not to ignore your feelings. 
  • Ask for training about microaggressions where you work. This means that the people you work with can learn about their harmful actions without you having to explain it to them.
  • Learn more about being assertive on the Neve page Speaking up for Yourself (internal link).

Sometimes, the safest option could be saying nothing. Educating people about their hurtful behaviour is hard work.  If you can't speak up, that's okay: your wellbeing comes first.

You might also decide that it's not worth it today. Maybe the person doesn't matter much to you. Maybe there's no chance of changing their mind. Maybe you will address the problem another day.

It's important the disabled community and our allies respond to microaggressions when they can. By having tough conversations, we can:

  • Raise awareness of the problem
  • Create spaces where everyone is welcome.

What to do after a microaggression

First, take a deep breath. We're sorry you've had to deal with this. We hope the situation gets better. We know that microaggressions can be confusing, intimidating, and stressful. People may try to make you believe things are your fault.

Remember that you are never to blame for bad behaviour. What happened is not your fault.

Here is a list of things you could do if you’ve faced microaggressions. You should choose the options that are right for you.

  • Seek support from friends and family members. Tell the person you confide in what would and would not be helpful for you. For example, you might just want to talk. Or, you might want practical help.
  • Change the situation or leave. If you often experience microaggressions at work, from a friend or in a relationship, consider talking to them, using the tips above. If they don't respond well, think about moving on. You could apply for a new job or end an unhealthy relationship. You deserve to be treated well. Look for better options.
  • Keep records of the bad behaviour. If it is safe, save phone call logs, text messages, photos or other evidence. If you need help doing this, ask a trusted person to help you. If you decide to report the problem later, you will have evidence to share.
  • Get legal help. You can use legal support to be safer, like restraining orders and protective orders. You can also get advice about whether something that happened to you is a crime. Learn about legal support options on the Neve page Accessing legal support and the courts  (internal link).
  • Report the problem to authorities. You could speak to a relevant government organisation, like an Ombudsman or the Australian Human Rights Commission.
  • Call a helpline. Australia has many helplines that offer practical advice and support services. You can find a list of numbers and resources on the Neve page Helpline directory (internal link).
  • Speak to a counsellor. If you have difficulties you can't manage alone, see a counsellor, therapist or psychologist. Learn about the different options on the Neve page Counselling and therapy (internal link).
  • Know your rights. Everyone has the right to live free from violence and abuse. Learn about your rights in the Neve section Our rights (internal link).
  • Look after yourself. You can learn how to cultivate calm and become more empowered on the Neve page Caring after yourself (internal link).
  • Talk to your service coordinator. This can help if the person who uses microaggressions provides a service related to your disability, like physiotherapy, gardening, cleaning or anything else in your NDIS plan. Tell the service coordinator what happened, and what you’d like to happen next, including if you want your complaint to remain confidential. You might want to offer feedback about the inappropriate behaviour but still work with the person. Or, you might want a new person to provide the service for you.
  • Make a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. If the person who uses microaggressions is an NDIS provider, you can complain to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Learn more on the NDIS Commission website (external link).

Having a disability can make it harder to escape abuse. Limited mobility or social isolation might make it harder to get help. Moving out or getting away from the person who hurts you can seem impossible when money is in short supply. However, help is available.

Even if the person who hurt you is important to you, you can still get help. Many people are hurt by someone they know. It may be an intimate partner, a parent or carer, or someone else in authority, such as a health worker or service provider. You don't have to go to the police if you don't want to. Either way, support is available to keep you safe and help you recover.

1800 RESPECT

If you experience violence or abuse you can contact 1800 RESPECT for support and counselling.
Call 1800 737 732 or go to the 1800 RESPECT website to chat with someone online (external link).

‍To contact 1800RESPECT via SMS, text ‘HELLO’ or any greeting to 0458 737 732 to start the conversation.

Helplines

This section provides information about helplines - telephone and text services that offer help when you need it. Helplines can give you advice, understanding and links to practical support. Here, you can learn to choose a service that meets your needs and prepare for the call. We also share a list of helplines across Australia. If you have an emergency, call 000 (triple zero) to speak to the police or ambulance.

Find out more

Healing after violence and abuse

Experiencing violence and abuse can affect your ability to live a satisfying life. It can leave you feeling afraid and unsafe. You might find yourself reliving difficult situations over and over. It means you've experienced trauma. With the proper support, you can heal. Here, you can learn what trauma is like. You can learn how to recover.

Find out more

Resources.

May 13, 2024

|

Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

You have rights - Easy Read

A guide for women with disability experiencing family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

Patricia Giles Centre for Non-Violence

Your rights

A guide for women with disability and mothers of children with disability who have experience of family and domestic violence.

Check resource

May 13, 2024

|

SECCA

Online dating

Information about online dating.

Check resource

May 4, 2024

|

1800 RESPECT

Escape bag checklist

If you are going to leave a relationship, deciding what to take with you is an important step in creating a safety plan. This checklist helps you plan what you may need to take if you need to leave.

Check resource

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Microaggressions

A microaggression is a small statement, action or incident with a negative message about a group of people, like women or people with disability. Microaggressions hurt. Here, you can learn to recognise microaggressions. We share safe and empowering ways to respond.

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